This is a long overdue note which I thought I'd share with a broader audience.
I'm not a big fan of the term "mentor". Firstly, is it just me, or is this an ugly sounding word? I dislike even more the corollary term "mentee" - It brings to mind ungainly water mammals... it also has a menstrual feel to it as a word.
But, in particular, I dislike how freely and lightly the term is used in the D/s world. It seems in the hierarchy of bdsm relationships that Mentor/mentee is regarded by some as an "entry-level" position.
That's not how I see it. In my mind, there's a distinction between offering casual advice to a newbie and providing the dutiful support of a mentor. The role of mentor is a very subtle one. It's also a responsibility that I take extremely seriously.
Mentor (by the way) was an alias used by the goddess Athena. While she was in that guise, she provided insight and advice (pretty good advice at that). What she didn't do was tell her mentee what to do. Athena was, among other things, goddess of wisdom so she could have commanded the mortal to do as she wished. Instead, she exerts a subtle influence (by Greek Mythological standards). And it's a wise mentor indeed who provides the facts as she sees them - but allows the recipient to grow on their own.
That's the second implied meaning of "mentor". It's someone who has a vested interest in seeing a person grow.
I have been and continue to be a Mentor for several wonderful people. An Athena by proxy if you will. This doesn't mean micro managing their lives. Nor does it even mean jumping in to help them solve a personal crisis.
As much as anything, the role requires "being". Being true to the qualities that inspired them to seek your counsel in the first place. As simple as that sounds... Simple is not the same thing as easy.
It's particularly challenging with respect to those I've trained or owned in the past. Hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it first hand, but the training I've shared with others is not merely about "rules" it's about concepts.
And, most of the concepts that I share are not submissive or Dominant in nature. They are concepts that, as a parent, I've shared with my children.
Most tellingly, they are concepts that I am expected to uphold.
There's a contract period to training as there is to slave ownership. But, even when the contract is over, there are some elements that "survive" the contract period. And, they are mutually binding in a way that's difficult to describe.
The objective of training is (at least nominally) to become a better submissive or slave. The outcome is (hopefully) to become a better person. This is a shared learning experience that is emotionally charged. It's also one that I've found deeply rewarding.
The student leaves with an obligation to honor the lessons learned. The teacher leaves with an obligation to honor the lessons taught.
That mutual obligation is a powerful and persistent responsibility. As a teacher, each time I go through that process I grow and learn. As a person, each time I go through that process I feel my responsibility grow. As a mentor, it's a humbling gift.
It's a gift for which I am extremely thankful. It's a gift that I gratefully accept with both hands. It's a gift that makes me proud.
Respectfully,
Lady Nichola
Mentor