Collars in the BDSM context are icons of a relationship. They signify a connection or partnership between people in the community. I have had the pleasure to have 2 lovely women collared to my side over the years and in each case the Collars have had distinctly different meanings. Both very deep and both remaining on their hearts for time measured in multiples of years.
But what does a Collar really mean?
Collars, and relationships, come and go in the World. Not just in the BDSM community. People meet, connect, spend time and drift apart for one reason or many. Some do so without ever making a formal commitment. No rings or contracts, collars or tags. Others seem eager to get that ring on the finger or collar around the neck. So much so that they are willing to sacrifice the value of the symbol through overuse.
A number of years back the local community went through a flurry of collarings and uncollarings. People were slapping on rings of leather, metal and rope and making it seem like you just weren't ANYONE in the community unless you had someone collared to your side or were wearing one. The term 'velcro collars' rose up as some went around slapping them on and taking them off as quickly as they could travel from party to party. The concept of the collar suffered greatly. A lot of collars came to mean next to nothing.
Variations of this have arisen in the community at large in the form of ranks or different sorts of collars. Collars of Consideration, Protection, Mentoring, Obedience, and Binding. Sort of saying, in various ways, "I'm thinking about keeping this one so keep your hands off until I can decide.". As sincere as a dog pissing on a corner to mark territory to other dogs.
Sometimes collar are put in place in hope that the addition of a collar to the relationship will allow the connection between the two people to blossom within the bond the collar offers. That a collar may, in some way, fix something that is wrong or make a relationship deepen simply by being worn. Much like people getting married or having children to try to fix a deteriorating relationship.
Collars come in many physical forms. Material worn around the neck in the forms of rope, leather, steel, copper, plastic, rubber, glass (OK, no I haven't seen a glass collar but wouldn't it be cool?) and wood. Tokens in the form of rings, bracelets, ownership 'tags' and other jewelery Brandings, tattoo's and scarification of ownership could also be thought of as collars albeit ones which are quite difficult to remove. Not impossible though as has been proven more than once.
There are also varying opinions and traditions on how a collar should be offered. Should the Dominant or the submissive offer/request a collar? Should it be done in private or in public? Is a collaring something between the two people alone or something to be shared with their local leather family/community? Must a person be required to think on a collar before deciding or can they cry, "YES!", when asked and it is done?
The collar is a symbol of a relationship and it has many different flavours, meanings and forms. Unlike marriage there is no solid definition of a collar and so it is open to different interpretations even between those forming the bond. Some might think it is only to be worn when you have found your One. Others feel it is of greater value if their collar is worn by more than one.
Perhaps we could form a tradition of different materials of collar for different lengths of relationships similar to the gifting traditions for wedding anniversaries? The first year the collar can only be made of paper. In the second year it moves to cloth (cotton) and then to silk which is harder to tear but easy to cut off. Progressing through more and more durable materials with more significance as the bond grows stronger with the years. Titanium to finish? Padlocked or welded in place?
Just be sure when that collars clicks, velcroes or ties shut that you both understand what it means to the other.
Achilles