I remember (barely) the first time I played with someone and they "dropped". It was an alarming experience.
Now that I think back, alarming is something of an understatement. Watching someone "check out" and go on this little journey scared the dickens out of me. I'd read about the experience, heard people discuss it online, but I had always thought that it was a bit of an over-dramatization.
Not that people were faking it, but rather that it was a semi-mythical experience - Technically possible, I suppose - But a rare and over emphasized element.
Much of the online discussion revolved around the attainment of this space - And it always struck me that the texture of these chats was like listening to conversations about "the big O". For students of history and anyone born after the 70's - "The big O" referred to orgasms - which women at one time were only theoretically capable of.
In My lifetime, I've seen vaginal, clitoral, G spot and anal orgasms move from theoretical science to absolute expectations. They've gone from "rare but welcome" to "something's wrong if I don't have multiples".
I've seen a similar kind of evolution of understanding and expectation when it comes to subspace. Much of what we now know about dropping is experiential. There's been little or no science to support the assumptions we've made - We've relied on related areas such as what's been learned about "the runner's high" and other performance based physiological effects. And serious students of subspace have at least a basic understanding of the brain chemistry involved.
Of course, one doesn't need to know the chemical composition of marble in order to be a good sculptor - But part of the fun of D/s for me has been learning how to craft subspace for my own enjoyment.
In the early days, I was somewhat crude in my understanding and degree of control. I'd push submissives and they'd drop like rocks - Of course, they'd be incoherent at the time... but the effect would sometimes persist for days afterwards. At first, this was an incredible ego boost - To know that my actions have caused someone to enter an altered state... and to such a degree that they persist... It's quite a rush.
And it's also a pain in the ass. The thrill of having a slave that's incapable of forming a coherent sentence wears off really fast. Is it a form of detachment? In My experience, it can certainly feel that way. As if the submissive is off in their own little world - removed from me - and removed from being able to serve me.
I came to dislike this version of subspace intensely. What, after all, is the point of having a slave if she cannot serve me?
So, I started to hone my craft and learn how to manage someone else's subspace. The notion that it's even possible to do this is not shared by everyone - The popular myth is that subspace and dropping is a solitary experience that is controlled solely by the submissive. My experience has told me otherwise. The texture, degree and even the "location" can absolutely be controlled by the Dominant.
Just like "the big O" there's no doubt that the submissive is a participant... But technique plays a huge role.
The most common version of subspace that I see is what I'll call the "slow-up, slow-down" approach. A nice ramp up... a scene that focuses on regular percussion (a steady beat with a slightly hypnotic tempo)... and then a peak ... a slight cool down.... and then a recovery period.
This "gentle curve" can make for a very tender scene - In fact, it used to be my preferred way of doing things... And in private (when I've got tons of time) I still do it once in a while. However, there's one problem with this approach. The recovery period can be long and difficult to manage.
I fully understand the desire of submissives who want to "bliss out" in a blanket. What's not to like about that? But it's not the only way of riding the experience... and I already carry enough crap to play parties... I draw the line at a sleeping bag, a pillow, a thermos of hot soup and (if submissives had their way) a tent.
Although this kind of play can be fun - It's not completely consistent with D/s service - And, to me... it's a rather boring "dance". I find that a more dynamic management of subspace is both more consistent with service... and (frankly) more interesting.
By contrast, play and the subspace experience can also be "spiky" - This doesn't necessarily mean a fast ramp-up (although this can be the case). What it means is that the tempo is deliberately controlled to push the submissive into (and out of) sub-space in little "spikes".
This tempo control is a little hard to describe, but it's characterized by shifts in intensity and by avoiding an obvious, predictable, measured beat. If you've listened to (and enjoyed) a really good Jazz drum solo then you'll know what I mean. There's an overall theme, but the percussionist diverts into riffs that surprise the listener.
Now that I think about it, the dance analogy works well - If you look at a player who is good at this kind of space management, they never "lose the lead". They don't let the submissive get ahead of them - and if they feel she's going in a direction they don't want... they'll yank her back into line.
As an aficionada, I find this kind of play a joy to watch. It is very much like watching dancers who communicate with each other using cues that are often too subtle to see. And even if one doesn't have the experience to see those subtle cues... almost everyone has the sensitivity to sense when there is "dialogue" in a scene.
As an aside, novice dancers will count out steps - whisper "now step back", "pick up the tempo/slow down" and give other feedback. And in some respects, this is where the "red, green, yellow" stuff fits in. Necessary in some cases, I suppose - but not something I use with my dance partners.
This is not to say that there isn't feedback - On the contrary, the "conversation" going on is continuous and very subtle. If play has devolved to the point where it requires crude call signs to tell the Dominant that the submissive is in a bad place... well, in my opinion, I'm not doing my job - which is leading.
Yes, yes, yes.... I know that the official mantra of "Safe Sane Consensual" demands that safewords be used... And yes, yes, yes... I know that "I don't use safewords" is supposed to be a danger signal.
But there's a flip side to those arguments. I don't use "safewords" as isolated and crude indicators of a submissive's state - Instead, I demand an absolute and continuous flow of information. I demand feedback that is far more nuanced than "Stop and Go". If I don't get that feedback, I don't play.
And this relates to subspace. It rarely happens anymore - but if a submissive truly checks out - By which I mean, is unresponsive to my lead - I stop. Not because it's particularly dangerous (I suppose it could be, but that's not why I stop) - I stop, because it's rude. It's like trying to have a conversation with someone who isn't paying attention. Pointless.
To some extent, Dominance is a drug, and we control the supply. There's a thin line between being engaged in a shared experience - that wonderful sense of dancing in an altered state - and dealing with a fully detached drugged out zombie who has gone on "vacation".
The shared experience is wonderful and leaves a Dominant feeling elated and in her element. The fully detached experience leaves me feeling used - a service top.
I'll add another observation here. It's easy to overlook the fact that whips, floggers, ropes and so forth are tools not toys.
Let me clarify. Like most people, I call these things toys when they are in my toy bag... But when I'm actually using them... They are tools. They are instruments that I use to shape my experience. They are a means to getting my needs and desires met. They are useful - But they are not necessary.
It's interesting to ponder how these tools can help shape a scene. To consider how tempo and intensity can cause a submissive to zone in and out. But they are devices. And it strikes me that some of my most intense experiences of subspace have had nothing to do with toys.
In fact, I really like the "purity" of dropping a submissive without toys. There's something "essential" (as in essence) about the control this represents. It's quite delicious.
Just some thoughts
Lady Nichola