Lady Nichola's Etiquette for Newbies

 

 
  1. Be polite
  2. Laugh a lot
  3. Smile
  4. Take other people seriously, but not yourself
  5. Remember Dorothy Parker's Golden Rule " Do not do unto others as you would have them do unto you - They may have different tastes"
  6. Remember Alice in Wonderland? Just because the label says "eat me" it may not be a good idea.
  7. "Will you fuck me?" doesn't count as small talk. "Mistress, will you please fuck me?".... does.
  8. When somebody says no, try not to take it personally... It is personal... but you have to pretend it isn't.
  9. All the bad guys wear black leather.... so do the good guys.
  10. The bananas, cucumbers and hotdogs laid out on the buffet are probably just snack food... wait and see what the other folks do before making a decision in that arena.
  11. The double-headed dildo on the buffet is _not_ snack food.
  12. If someone approaches you and says, "I'm a Dominant, call me sir... or I'll pout"... try not to laugh.
  13. The Dominatrix with the smoldering look and the faraway eyes... has lost her contacts.
  14. Sometimes cool indifference is just an act... Usually, it's just because you are dull.
  15. a) Don't worry about offending Dominants... in order to offend them... they first have to care.
    b) "I don't give a shit" is not a negotiation for scat play... (see 15a)
  16. If you have offended a Dominant, it's less important whether you walk away bowing or curtseying... it's more important that you do it quickly.
  17. If you think etiquette is knowing that you should never shake hands with the same hand that you wipe your armpit with...you might be a redneck.
  18. "Chubb" is not a safe word
  19. a) Saying, "I have no limits" - is a good way of finding out that actually, you do.
    b) Saying, "I have no limits" - is a good way of finding out how inadequate your healthcare coverage is.
  20. Bad pick up line when negotiating a scene: "How does someone on unemployment find a quality Dominatrix?"
  21. Good pick up line when negotiating a scene: "Please be careful with my left buttock, it's sore from carrying around oversized rolls of hundred dollar bills"
  22. Never base the way you approach someone based on cheesy numbered lists.

Lady Nichola

© 2004 Lady Nichola  - Reprinted with permission