You are a new submissive. You have just discovered this lifestyle. Your
research has you excited, and a deep-rooted desire to serve surfaces. You
are desperate to feel what submission is like.
This should sound familiar to ALL submissives. We all go through that emotional
stage when we begin our submissive journey. All the submissives I've spoken
to have all felt the same all-consuming craving, or need, to submit.
Something in our research touches us. We are all intelligent beings,
we have read about, and fully understand, that our safety and our
personal happiness are of the utmost importance. We have also heard plenty about
finding the right Dominant, about building trust, about going slowly........ Right? (say
yes)......... Right........... and then, what do we do?
Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead, brain in overdrive -- I MUST serve!
I consider myself a very intelligent person. i agreed totally with all
the precautions I had read about, and was told about. I *knew* that I
would NEVER do anything as silly as head out to meet the first Dominant that
stirred up that deep craving I had inside me to submit. Uh huh.........
I knew how to spell BDSM. I was just catching on to the online lingo,
calling everybody Sir or Ma'am, just in case. I knew that some of the
writings had stirred some deep-seated emotions in me and revived
some very vivid longings.
Armed with that, out I went into the real world. Not just once, but twice,
no less! I was lucky the first time. I did not know enough
about this lifestyle to venture away from my keyboard, let alone out the door. I
didn't know enough to keep myself safe.
So why did that happen? I'm not stupid, or dense. My emotions took
over is all. Human beings are capable of rationalizing anything if they
want something badly enough. That was my case. I was desperate to
serve, to feel those emotions of being cared for, and of giving up control. I
wanted to feel needed, and to please someone. I made mistakes, mostly out
of ignorance, and I was one of the fortunate ones that got away with not becoming
a statistic.
I was far from ready. I wasn't even close to being ready. I did
not understand the dynamics of D/s. I was in no position to judge whether
the one I was meeting was knowledgeable or not. But in my mind, I was
absolutely convinced that I knew what I was getting into. Nobody could
tell me otherwise, I had all the answers already figured out. There was
no stopping me. Did I end up in the hospital? No, thankfully. Was I hurt?
A scar, a few bumps and bruises, and a good hit on my pride.
Those first experiences had a tremendous effect on me. Years later they still
come to mind when something new is presented to me. My views of D/s were
warped, and jaded. I had experienced things that I did not understand,
and hence feared. It took a long time to undo what my two I-know-what-I'm-doing's
did to my mind and my confidence.
I was lucky, VERY lucky. Other submissives were not as fortunate. One
new submissive, very active in the online chat rooms, was heavy into online
play. When
she ventured out, the "Dominant" took her online play
as being real desires, and proceeded to treat her as the pain slut she portrayed
herself to be. She ended up in hospital.
Just in case you label yourself in the I-wouldn't-do-something-that-dumb category,
another submissive who rarely frequented chat rooms, had never played online,
and had been very meticulous about her research, ventured out, fell promptly
into the hands of a player, and was beaten to a pulp.
Another site labeled this "submissive fever". I think the term is appropriate. It
is a very dangerous period that a new submissive goes through. The sub
is easily exploited and abused during that time, because the knowledge of what
he / she is getting into just isn't there yet.
Even some of the more experienced submissives can lapse back into this *mode*. As
submissives, our need to serve and offer control runs to our very core. Without
strong support (from other lifestylers)
the same craving will turn a rational person into a desperate submissive, whose
standards and cautions go out the window.
So what can be done about this? Well, not much, unfortunately. The
more seasoned submissives can caution the novices, that this will happen
to them. We can share our experiences, and perhaps share a bad experience,
our own or someone else's, if that's what it takes to make the new submissive
more aware.
A lifestyle Dominant knows how to handle a submissive that is going through that
desperate-but-ignorant period. If one is learning in an online environment,
the odds are poor that a lifestyle Dominant will be easy to find, or even be
interested in helping the submissive.
To the new submissive - PLEASE - step back, before you leap. As deep as
that desire to serve is, it is your worst enemy right now. Please, trust me on
this, I've been there. Until you understand that desire and can control it,
do NOT move forward. I don't mean to frighten you away, but these blunt
words may help you think -- your very life may depend on you waiting before
you leap.
To the experienced submissive - PLEASE - if you see new submissives heading
off into "feverish" territory, please take them by the hand and help them understand
what they are going through, so they can step back. Help them understand
that there is much more to power exchange than kneeling.
To the Dominants reading this - PLEASE - new submissives are tender, vulnerable
and very exciting. If they are truly not ready, tell them so, and help
them learn more - by guiding them, or referring them to someone who can help
them. Treat them with special care, they are rare jewels in the making.
dove