Not long ago, I was adamant - absolutely convinced - that S&m wasn't for me. I don't do pain - end of story - so there. That stand (poured in concrete and reinforced with galvanized steel) was the result of a bad first experience. I decided that this was not for me, and was quite merrily looking for other interests that did appeal. That quest narrowed my world significantly.

A local submissive who has since become a good friend accepted my concrete unwavering stand, but always asked questions and suggested different ways of looking at things. She took the time to explain - over and over again - how things were for her. Since then I have taken a jackhammer to that concrete stand. Her genuine laughter and amusement at my about-face has been met with a smile and a million more questions, which she patiently answers.

But back to first experiences. My first S&m experience was a bad one. The reason is simple yet very important - it was in the hands of someone who didn't know what he was doing. I didn't have enough knowledge to realize this, and was unprepared to stop anything from harming me until it was too late. I didn't know how to keep myself safe.

I have been learning a lot lately, and part of my growth has prompted me to open up horizons that I had previously chosen to ignore. I was curious about how a singletail whip felt since I had never experienced anything like that. When I first saw a singletail scene I wanted to leave. I was terrified of them. I watched though and noticed very quickly that the both partners were getting much pleasure from them, so my curiosity was piqued.

A Dominant that I respect tremendously offered to introduce me to his singletail. I knew his skill and integrity were among the best and above reproach. We chatted and he asked some very pointed questions - why the interest, what I liked about other toys, what I didn't like, what I thought I wanted to experience, why I wanted to experience this. He didn't help fill in the blanks to his questions - he waited, and pushed me to tell him more. I realized this was what I needed to experience in order to continue growing. A golden opportunity was being offered to me - an opportunity to lay a bad memory to rest.

I went to a play party a few days ago. I had intended to just stop by to say hello to some friends. When I left, I was marked by a singletail - and walking away with an absolutely awesome experience under my belt. This Master and his girl made sure that my experience was realistic without frightening or overwhelming me. They worked together to show me what they loved about this lifestyle, and it was hugely successful.

The primary message was reinforced, over and over - my safety is everyone's priority. Their knowledge and that message allowed me to finally put closure on a bad experience that could have continued to make my world smaller.

They say you always remember your first. I have a new first to remember now. What a gift.

dove