Being Dominant is not a replacement for having a personality. Some people seem to think it is and if they can be a Dominant it will help them to hang with the kinds of people who would not associate with them in the vanilla world. The fact of the matter is that Dominance is just another part of our overall personality. It is no replacement for wit, wisdom or personal hygiene.
Therefore I choose to be what I am. A Gentleman Dom.
There are many aspects of being a Gentleman which might seem, on the surface, to be in conflict with being a Dominant. It might seem to be impossible to be both. I assure you it is possible and even desirable to combine the two into something which is greater than either alone.
A ruffian or bully can intimidate people with their gruff manners and abruptness. This is not Dominance. Creating in someone the desire to obey requires a subtle seduction. it can be achieved by being both confident in yourself and elegant in your manner. It takes more than giving orders and tying someone up to inspire in them a desire to do as you wish and be at your side.
Allow me to provide an example.
I attend an S/m camp each year and at that camp there was a female submissive who was having some difficulty installing Tiki torches around her campsite. She had neither the tools nor the brawn to make the holes in the hard earth necessary for the torches. Grabbing a 3' length of steel rebar and an iron mallet from the trunk of my car I proceeded to make these 8 or 9 holes in the ground for her while chatting about this and that in the warmth of the day.
A young male Dominant approached us and started jabbering about why I was doing this task for a submissive and what kind of Dominant was I and generally being fairly obnoxious. He seemed to feel that this submissive was, in some manner, Topping me from the bottom to get me to do this task for her. I advised him that Dominance leaves plenty of room for being a Gentleman and assisting a woman in need. That chivalry is not dead.
Did my actions inspire this submissive to drop to her knees and beg to scene with me on the spot? Sorry, no. I didn't do it to seduce her. I didn't do it to seduce anyone. On the other hand My girl was there. She sees me doing those kinds of things all the time. What does it make her think of me? Well, you'd have to ask her since words are one of the few things I will not put in her mouth but I would like to think that this side of me is a part of what inspires her to her knees.
Within my relationship with My girl I believe there are aspects of Gentlemanly behaviour which form a thread through much of what we share. As I've said in previous postings I hold doors open for her. I also open car doors for her and assist her in entering and exiting. I will often say please when ordering her to do something and thank you when it is completed. When standing in the street I will block cold winds with my body to protect her.
I take care of My girl. I help friends who need help. I try, though I will not claim to always be successful, to be a Gentleman.
My Dominance is a part of the entire package that is Achilles. I believe that combining Dominance with Gentlemanly good manners and elegance is a winning combination. I didn't choose to be a Gentleman Dom any more than I chose to be male or to have brown eyes. I will say though that given a choice I would much rather be this way than any other.
Perhaps this explains why Gentlemen wear 'Top' Hats?
Achilles