Ask twenty people their views on the use and appropriateness of honorifics. You'll get thirty different answers (a few will also offer someone else's opinions to justify their own). What is behind the use of an honorific? That in itself is where many of the differences of opinion are spawned.
The term Master / Mistress is sacred to some. It is used solely to address their Dominant or Owner. For some who use the internet as a means of communications, it can be part of their nickname. If Master / Mistress is sacred to one, then using that term to address someone else becomes a conflict.
Some life styles (such as Gor) use the term Master / Mistress as a term to identify all Dominants. Again, the potential for conflict to those outside the Gorean ways is huge.
I've seen Master / Mistress used to denote having mastered a specific skill - i.e. a Whip Master, etc. Is that honorific valid? Yes, definitely it is, at the very least to those who feel they have earned that title.
I've also seen Master / Mistress used by some whose only right of passage is having learned to spell the word. They are usually those who yell the loudest and demand that they be addressed as Master or Mistress. I don't do demands very well just because someone can spell.
I will address my One with the honorific of His choice, because it is part of my power-exchange with Him. He is on a tier above others - for me. As such, addressing him as he wishes has meaning and represents the deference I have chosen to offer Him. I will not address another as Master or Mistress, no matter how much they impress me, or impress upon me their wish to be addressed as such. My choice - smiles.
The term Sir / Ma'am causes a little less grief, but is not totally without pain. Is it used as a sign of respect, or is it used to acknowledge someone's chosen role? It's also easier for some to spell - you get the idea........ Some of the most respected Dominants I have met actually ask not to be addressed by anything other than their given name, while others have very nicely indicated that they like (not demand) the honorifics that their role affords them.
Just to stir the pot........ Since we all recognize that switches and submissives are important (vital) roles within our lifestyle, are they not worthy of an honorific to recognize their role and contribution to the dynamic? Those honorifics *do* exist, but are very rarely seen. Personally, I would not use them, but I often like being the devil's advocate.
Since I am a great believer that equality plays an integral role within my world, the use of honorifics, for me, allows me to CHOOSE to recognize a hierarchy that works for me. Key word - me; that does not mean that it will work for anybody else. I have found something that I am comfortable with. A title does not denote that anyone is better (or worse, for that matter) based on their chosen role. We are all equal - we are all human beings. The reciprocation of common courtesy should be offered and expected. That is not lifestyle-specific, it's part of being a member of society. Common courtesy also does not dictate that honorifics must be used, nor does it edict that they cannot be.
I offer Sir / Ma'am to those Dominants who have had a positive impact on me, and have - in my mind - risen above, so to speak. I will address other Dominants, switches and submissives by their given names (or nicknames). It is perfectly acceptable to call someone by their name in the vanilla world, so I choose to believe that it is also acceptable in lifestyle circles if it is done respectfully.
There is a structure associated to our lifestyle, a hierarchy. There is an endless combination of roles, and an even broader range of available honorifics. I choose to be honor-bound to being courteous to my peers. There are no set rules on which honorifics are to be used with what roles, or that they must be used at all. It is up to each of us to find what will work for us without deliberately insulting others.
I have found over the past few years that very few are truly bothered by honorifics, or the lack of, if one is consistent and respectful. We will never be able to please everyone, that's a rule of human nature. What works for us will invariably not work for at least one other person on this planet. We can however be the best we can be, and expect nothing less in return. A title does not a person make, a person's integrity does.
Master, I am Yours.
Sir / Ma'am, You have gained my respect.
Fellow lifestylers, You are a rich addition to my life.
Hey You, it's a long way down from your pedestal.
dove