We all go into relationships hoping for the best. It doesn't always happen that way. There are thousands of reasons why relationships fall apart. Those reasons are as unique as the people who were part of those relationships. What is also very unique is how we each deal with closure - with letting go. It is what can make or break us.
Give yourself a time-out. No relationship (or its break-up) is without emotion. We all know that our thought processes are skewed when emotions run high. We may be tempted to lash out, to lay blame entirely at another's feet. We may be tempted to assume all the blame ourselves. The reality is usually somewhere in the middle. When the initial pain of a break-up is upon us, it isn't the right time to be analyzing what went wrong. Negativity will win every time.
What went wrong? Look at the relationship from many different angles. What failed? Why did that fail? Were there signs that something was wrong? At times we tend to dismiss those small warnings that cross our minds. We try to convince ourselves that our intuition isn't right, or that things will change. It's important to try, as best you can, to determine what caused the breakup. Sometimes it's obvious. Sometimes it's a series of small subtle things that together caused the breakup. Look at where you may have been able to avoid some of the pitfalls.
What went right? Face it - there was something that attracted you to that person at some point, and them to you. Those too are valuable lessons. Think of the things that made you happy, made you smile and laugh. Recognize that there were positive aspects and good times. Because breakups are not usually positive experiences, we often tend to forget to look back at the good times.
Take control back. Move on. Take control of your life and continue to improve it. Don't let the past control your present or offer you a jaded view of the future. You only have one chance to live each day, now is your chance to make sure this chance isn't wasted. In looking back over the relationship, look at where you could have avoided some of the pitfalls
Learn. Life's lessons are everywhere. Letting go isn't easy, only strong people can move on. The odds are good that you can find a lesson or two and turn your past into a valuable tool to use in making your future brighter.
dove