Sometimes I try to explain why things seem to pop into My head. Other times, I just accept them as welcome gifts. Sometimes an idea presents itself fully formed. But, more usually, it just sits there and nags at Me until I give it some attention.
The idea is something like this - "Is part of the appeal of D/s the fact that it provides permission for things we want to do anyway?"
All of the submissives I've known well have had slightly different tastes. Certain things that were guaranteed to make them drop like a rock and that were unique to each of them. But, to use an analogy that seems to crop up a good deal in this business, it's like food. Some prefer Thai style cooking, others prefer Indian... but everyone likes chicken.
The physical stuff is a no-brainer. Who doesn't like being tied up and being pushed into a pleasure driven frenzy? Put that one down in My "likes" column. And the joy of D/s is that there is a context for this kind of play regardless of whether you are Upper Case Dominant, lower case submissive or ransom note sWiTcH.
In the case of switches, context doesn't seem to be much of an issue. "Because it's my turn" is sufficient to get the ball rolling. In the case of tying up submissives, the context isn't hard to find either. The concept, even if unspoken, is that of being conquered and relinquishing control. With Dominants, admittedly, it does take a bit of mental gymnastics - But if one thinks of the submissive as a sex toy whose job is to deliver pleasure (regardless of the process) then all sorts of things stop being "submissive acts" and start being "fun".
Dominants love a challenge, and they love receiving tribute of one form or another. In this respect, being tied up and serviced is quite the challenge. Not, as one might think, because of the power dynamics. In My own case, when I've been in this position, I've never felt like a submissive - I've felt like a Dominant with limited range of motion.
The challenge is that Dominants are good at controlling things, driving the process and giving pleasure/pain. But they are not so good at receiving. Personalizing this a little, I find it extremely difficult to receive pleasure in anything except an active role. Passively receiving pleasure (as one is forced to do when in bondage) is interesting. Actually, "passive" isn't even the right word - It suggests a lack of engagement, which is definitely not the case. I'm actively involved - just unable to physically do anything - what happens occurs because of two things: My own force of will... and the creativity of My submissive.
I suppose it's a bit like making a fancy pool shot with one hand behind your back. Generally speaking, I play pool with both hands... but once in a while it's nice to show off.
There's another rather cool thing about this particular activity. It removes responsibility. One of the good things about being a Dominant is the authority one has... The downside is that it comes with a whack of responsibility. 99.9% of the time, I don't mind that. But once in a while, it's nice to take a little vacation - and if one is tied up... well, one can't be held responsible for how the play session proceeds.
That abrogation of physical responsibility is quite liberating. Physically letting go is an intense experience that no one is immune to. It's just that Dominants don't get to experience it that much. We spend most of our time in a form of "mental bondage" whereby we restrain our own actions. Put in plainer terms, if a Dominant lets go physically then She loses control - At best this makes for a crappy scene... at worst you can damage the submissive you are playing with.
Don't get Me wrong, I don't spend every night cuffed to My own four-poster bed. Just once in a while it's nice to spice things up with something different.
Am I rationalizing things too much? Well, two things here:
Firstly, like most people, the stuff that goes on in My head happens very quickly - I don't spend 3 hours considering the relationship consequences of a specific act. But, those little flashes that one has happen so quickly that it's easy to lose them. I spend a much larger amount of time articulating those brief flashes than actually having them.
And secondly: No. My single largest erogenous zone lies between My ears. I've got nothing but admiration for the people who "just do it" - But that's not My style. I also think that (at the end of the day) the energy expended in noodling these concepts through is time very well spent. Because I've invested the time figuring this stuff out - I'm free to have a social/sex life that is characterized by huge versatility, edginess, enormous fun.... and sanity.
It's easy to play on the edge. The tough part is not burning out and losing one's moral compass.
There's another side to this too. Because I know My side of the equation extremely well, I'm better able to understand the other side.
How, for example, is it possible for submissives to be both creatures of pride and revel in humiliation? What is it that makes a strong submissive hold her head up high in the presence of others - Even though she's debased for the service of her Dominant? How can a submissive be a princess and a slut?
Now that's a doozy.
And speaking as someone who enjoys a well-rounded submissive capable of displaying both regal behavior and whore-like abandon - It's a question I'd better know the answer to.
The secret, of course, lies between the ears. It's all about context and reference points. I'm sure that there are plenty of ways of reconciling the duality of the "Madonna Whore" Personally; I like the framework of D/s because the "rules" lend themselves to a simpler solution.
Beyond the obvious, "I'm the Boss, so you'll do it because I say so" there is more at play here. Hard to express, but I'll give it a shot.
D/s is (among other things) about contrast. The ideal woman is "A lady in the parlor and a whore in the bedroom" - The ideal submissive displays an even greater contrast. her job is to display equal grace and enthusiasm whether she's in public or in private - Whether she's standing, kneeling or crawling on all fours; whether she's serving tea or drinking it from a doggie bowl.
The thing that cuts through all this duality of action is a singularity of purpose - The service to her Dominant.
Even so, this isn't sufficient to accommodate the "emotional whiplash" that can happen when switching between the "identities" of Madonna and whore. Unless one takes a further step. It's common (and occasionally useful) to look at Princess and slut as identities. Thus, "you are [a] slut" and not "you are [behaving like a] slut".
Indeed, at the time, the role of slut may be so overwhelming that it feels like an identity in its own right. But it's not. Even at its most overwhelming, it's a role; a sub-identity of sorts. Just as the submissive who ties up and pleasures her Dominant is not abandoning her core identity. Just as the submissive who runs her own business and has to Dominate her employees is not being "inconsistent". Neither is a submissive who degrades herself for her Dominant - degrading herself as a human being.
The core identity of a submissive (small joke here ->) indeed her dominant identity is the same. That of a submissive in service.
Mental gymnastics? Perhaps.
But necessary for those of us who enjoy spanking royalty.
Respectfully,
Lady Nichola