Personal responsibility is exactly that: personal. How I choose to accept responsibility, and to what level I accept that responsibility, will be and should be different from each of you. Yes, we will have commonalities, and things we may agree on and handle in the same way. We will also have many areas that we handle differently and will strongly disagree on. We are all adults of relatively sound minds. We all are directly responsible for ourselves and what dangers we will or will not place ourselves in. Since we are all as different as a sky full of snowflakes, why it is that some of us continually feel the need to inflict our agendas on everyone else? We are all capable of deciding whether or not we consent to a set of circumstances. The "excuse" of being wrapped up in the fantasy of a situation does not negate the individual’s responsibility to themselves and to the community they are a part of. The individual has the core and sole responsibility to maintain their personal safety.
It is encouraged for a single mother with young children to give as little personal information about herself and her family as possible when she is meeting someone new. If she were to divulge her real name, address, children's names, phone numbers, etc. during the course of a casual conversation with an online stranger… If she were to agree to meet this individual after learning nothing about him… She would be seen by most as taking unacceptable risks. Her children are not of age, nor do they have the mental faculties to consent to her lifestyle choices. They are incapable of assessing the risk caused by their mother’s behavior. Her sole and core responsibility as a mother is to keep her children safe at ALL TIMES. Few would dispute this...I believe we could define this as one of the "commonalities" I was referring to earlier.
So now let’s alter the hypothetical situation slightly. Time shift – 16 years ...we still have a single mother, but now her children are adults living on their own. She meets someone online, she is lonely and finds this new stranger mysterious and exciting. She again divulges personal information about herself – her address and phone number. She agrees to meet this stranger. Similar situation. Some would say she is taking unacceptable risks. Others may say she is an adult, capable of choosing right from wrong. She has assessed the risk to herself, has assessed her "excitement level" brought on by this mysterious stranger. She chooses to meet him.
Whether or not you agree with her decision, the fact of the matter is that it is none of your business! I will say that again...It is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! You have no right to judge her, or to condemn her or this stranger she meets. They are both adults capable of deciding what is an acceptable level of risk and what is not!
Let them meet, but let’s not fool them into rationalizing that they are safe or safer than they actually are. Let us not equip them with tools that do not work and that only add to their false sense of security.
Let us consider safe calls for a moment. Wendy decides to meet Bill for coffee. They have been chatting for a few weeks online and want to take the next step. Wendy arranges a safe call with her friend, Susan, for 2 PM on Sunday and tells her they are to meet at the Timmies on First Street. 2 PM Sunday comes and goes… and no call. What happens now?? Susan calls the police?? OK, let’s pursue that line of thought. Susan calls the police and explains that her friend was meeting someone new, and has failed to call in. The police record this information, but will do nothing, not even start a missing person’s report for at least 48 hours. We are not talking about a missing child here. Wendy is an adult and there is no proof that she hasn't just forgotten to place the call. She may even have cancelled the date for any of 1,000 reasons and forgot to tell Susan. Susan, feeling frustrated, drives to the Timmies (perhaps she should have done this first), there is no sign of Wendy or her new online friend. Susan can leave messages on Wendy's phone, wait outside her front door or wait at home.
Hopefully Wendy gets home safe and sound and then has Susan tear a strip off her ass. Hopefully Susan then calls the police and informs them. If Wendy does not arrive home after at least 48 hrs, a missing person’s report can be filed and the police will investigate, interviewing Susan and the employees at Timmies.
How did this safe call keep Wendy safe?
Perhaps she didn't use the safe call properly. Let’s go back to the beginning of this… this time, Wendy somehow convinces this stranger to give her his name, address, phone number, vehicle license, description, photo, employer, etc! To do this she possibly has to give all this information to him in return. Now whether you are male or female, is giving this kind of personal information to a stranger something that we should be encouraging?
What kind of damage can be caused to your life by giving this kind of information out to strangers??? Stalkers, identity thieves, predators.... Gee, is this why some sane, level headed community leaders of our community tell us to never give out personal information until you know someone for a very long time? Oh let’s not forget that we are assuming here that the information given was valid and not some made-up name! Regardless, let us go with the premise that Susan has all this information to work with when Wendy doesn't make her safe call.
She goes to Timmies, still no one remembers seeing them.
She calls the police. They listen and take down all the information. If it is a really slow crime day and they are bored silly, they send a car to Bill's house. They even get out and knock on the door. No answer. They go on their way! There is no probable cause that a crime has occurred.
OR
Bill answers the door, out of breath and sweaty. They ask him if he is Bill NONAME of NO REAL ADDRESS
He says, "yes"... they ask him if he knows a Wendy. Whether he denies knowing her or admits to knowing her and claims to have either 1) cancelled the date or 2) left her after a nice visit at Timmies.
Nothing happens...once again an out of breath, sweaty Bill is not probable cause of a crime. They cannot insist on looking around his house. Unlike TV crime shows they cannot run off and get a warrant.
They can sit on the street and watch his house until the Police department has better use of their time.
In 48 hours a missing person report is filed. At that point maybe they can get a warrant to search Bill’s house....but that is a huge stretch, but hey miracles happen every day.
I ask again, how did this keep Wendy safe?
Let’s alter the situation one more time. Wendy is traveling to see Bill. Not knowing anyone else in that town she can trust, she calls the Ontario Safe Call Network. She arranges a safe call 500 km from her home with yet another stranger that hardly knows her, yet has access to her and Bill’s personal information. When this person calls the police, there is an even smaller chance that they will take her seriously once she admits that she hardly knows either of these people...if at all. She has no idea if they are the type of individuals to actually forget a safe call or not.
After a few of these types of calls, they are treated, by the police, much like the little boy who cried wolf!
I ask for a third time, How does this keep Wendy safe?
The cold hard answer is "IT DOESN'T"!
Safe calls do absolutely nothing to keep people safe! They may however aid the police department after they find your dismembered body stuffed in a trash can in getting a conviction. Knowing personal information about the last person known to have seen a victim is a good lead. It helps a lot, and Law Enforcement needs all our help! It does nothing at all to keep poor Wendy safe! What it does, is gives her a false sense of security. It leads her to the illusion that she is safe. It empowers her to decide to meet a stranger because her girl friend or the Safe Call Network has his particulars, and hers! But she is NOT at all SAFE
This is not a slam to the creators of the Safe Call Network. I am sure they worked very hard in setting up a program they believe in. But their very best efforts won't save Wendy's life if she meets a predator!
What should Wendy have done? She should have refused to meet Bill alone. She should have insisted on meeting him for dinner with friends as part of a group. Or even at a Munch if she had people that knew her well and she could trust. Can she set up a safe call??? If she has all of Bill’s particulars, if he was foolish enough to give his personal information to a stranger, If she can confirm all this information as valid, sure why not. As I said it gives the Police a good starting point when they find your body. Just remember Dahlmer had three or four different identities with complete legal identification. He succeeded in killing how many before he was finally stopped???
The point in all of this, is a simple one. You are solely and completely responsible for your own safety. BE SMART. Make wise judgments! When you make mistakes, and show poor judgment, OWN IT! Don't blame someone else, don't blame the community, it is not their job and they are incapable of performing that function.
Slow Down and think… and above all, keep an open MIND and don't buy into this new mentality that encourages the judgment of your fellow kinksters. Think for yourself. Maybe that Dom has a valid reason for not wanting to tell you where he works or his real last name. Maybe he is being smart and wise and SAFE and being responsible for his own safety! If a Domme refused to give that information out to a new prospective male slave would she be within her rights?
Take responsibility for yourself, and stop expecting others (including those you choose to meet) to take that responsibility for you.
Offered to you my Peers for your consideration!
TimberWolf