In the vocabulary and debate-theatre of BDSM one of the words which will arise eventually is Safewords. It is a topic of discussion which often arises when someone in a room (often an online chat room) will comment that they do not use Safewords. In the case of a Dominant they may claim to not allow their (or any) submissive to have a Safeword. In the case of a submissive they may claim that their submission is too total to allow them to have or need Safewords.
My girl has many Safewords and is under strict orders to use them.
My first introduction to scening was pretty light and involved a lot of moaning and crying-out on the part of the submissive. All very dramatic and it made me feel very macho but in that time I understood that it was all part of the experience. The girl was actually having a wonderful time in the throes of the scene and the crying and whimpering and whispers of, "No, Master, please... no more.", were all just part of the scene. In the role-playing context of the scene no didn't mean no. We actually had different words which could be used to mean no, yes and even maybe. I won't bore you with the definitions of red, yellow and green but do feel free to go look them up if you are unsure. We'll wait.
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These Safewords were chosen because in the day to day world they would not normally come up in the passionate spasms of the scene experience. If a partner were to cry 'red' in the middle of a scene it would seem terribly out of context and would draw immediate attention to itself. In this case red meant no and it would never be likely to come up in a scene under any other circumstance. (Well, there was that one time I asked My girl what her favourite colour was during a scene but the DM's didn't hear so no problem.)
As the years involved in BDSM rolled by, I worked more and more at My sadistic craft and discovered a few things were happening. The people I was scening with wanted to go a great deal harder than previously and I wanted to go there too. Also, Safewords were losing their appropriateness.
Well now hold on. That's not entirely true. What was actually happening was that I, along with my scening partners, was developing better communication and observation skills. I didn't need those special red, green, yellow words to use as Safewords. Safewords were now turns of phrase along the lines of, "Master my left wrist is numb.". We could communicate realistically about the situation without the use of cryptic code words and remain in the scene space.
This was brought to a head when a scene with My girl came to a point where I halted it abruptly because something was happening that I didn't understand. Details aren't important but I know how My girl will react in a scene and she wasn't responding appropriately to what was happening. It later turned out that she should have called yellow earlier in the scene to address an issue of which I had been unaware. This made me very concerned and we went through a bit of a rough spot until our discussions on the point reached the conclusion noted above. We didn't need Safewords but we did need to both realize that they were not to be in use. My girl had to know that she could communicate with me on such points in a normal manner to make sure I knew whatever I needed to make the scene as safe as I felt was necessary. I had to understand that such communication would be provided.
My girl is under orders to inform Master of such issues or Master will be angry. Not bad-girl-go-stand-in-the-corner-angry but more like how-can-we-ever-scene-together-again-girl-angry. Nobody endangers My girl and most especially not My girl herself. Think of it as a hard limit of Mine. Hard as diamonds.
Safewords are a communications tool. They allow a scene to involve language which might normally be misconstrued as a call to halt the scene. Calling yellow is just another way to bring attention to an issue such as a numb hand or a nearing the submissive's limits.
Referring to Safewords as topping from the bottom, crutches for beginners or any number of other derogatory turns of phrase is simply rude. Feeling that the use or not of safewords is a sign of superior skills, experience or devotion in a D/s relationship is just plain dangerous. Don't stop using them to impress anybody. There has to be some form of communication between the sub and the Dom during a scene and Safewords do provide a method of communication.If people want to use Safewords that's fine. Just remember that's what they are for. Communication.
Would I stop a scene if My girl called, "RED!"? Yes.
Achilles