Safe / Drop Signals

There was an email thread on our bdsm group mailing list about safe signals. Kilted One's reply follows.

 

A drop signal is a safety device to ensure that a submissive has the ability to stop a scene that for whatever reason pushes them to or beyond their acceptable threshold. It is one of the LAST devices that should be used and most definitely should not be the only device or method used. Let me try and put this into perspective by explaining a 5-step approach to this:

  1. If you are playing with a person that is relatively new (or new to you) there should have been some discussion beforehand to determine what will or will not be included in the scene, and what pain tolerance they think they have to what is being included in the scene. In this way both of you have some idea of what to expect, see and feel.

  2. Until you get to know how the submissive's reactions to stimulus and what body language they give off, you should not be pushing the envelope. In other words start small and grow big. Constant feedback should be sought during the scene. Example: "I'm going to hit you with XXXXX toy. Tell me on a scale 1-10 what pain level it creates; 1 being "Is that all you have, wimp? And 10 being "You do that again and I will bite through these restraints and rip your head off". In this way you can determine the communication that the submissive is constantly giving you, albeit unspoken. Observe the body reactions you get during this time and use them as references later.

  3. During this "courting phase" with play that is not extreme (to the submissive), some form of communication will always be achievable. Removing one sense from a submissive does NOT prevent them from communicating with you. They can still communicate through body language and by physical movements. For example, the submissive can always turn their head toward you and make eye contact (staring glaring eyes) and shake their head signaling "NO". If you have scened with the submissive before you will know the reactions you get and expect them. If you pay attention to detail you will sense their distress long before they were ever going to call red or need a drop signal. You can of course leave them with the ability to speak during this phase as well so that they can tell you how they are feeling.

  4. At private/public play parties the DM's do not have the above history and therefore do not know what movement is expected or "normal". Hence the need for a drop signal if speech is removed from the submissive. It makes it clear to a "stranger" that the submissive is signaling an end to the scene so that they can come to the aid of the submissive if the scene doesn't end.

  5. With experience (between the two of you) and following this stepped approach the need for a drop signal is in fact eliminated for all but private/public play parties as it is normally a requirement of the rules of the house.

In closing I can't say I actually know of anyone that has the need to use a drop signal (other than in point 4 above) as most experienced players follow a stepped process similar to what I have tried to describe above.

Kilted One

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