SirLordAllMighty comes charging into a chat room, on a winged horse no less, with dragons roaring, fire spewing from everywhere, clouds of fog and mysterious black smoke billowing, a throne appearing from nowhere, a whip, flogger, cane, crop, and ninety-six other pain implements attached to his belt. He has effectively destroyed the roof by flying in on a horse, burnt the place to a crisp, and choked the air out of everyone's lungs. And then, of course, the "Domly" line - "any subs here?".
If you have spent even just twelve minutes online, then you've surely met SirLordAllMighty (let's call "Him" SLAM, for short), or one of "His" relatives. He has a few other names too - wannabe, fake, player, fool - well, you get the idea. Some "real" Dominants will also make an entrance, but, a savvy submissive will recognize SLAM for what he really is, as soon as his winged horse appears on the horizon. Those who enjoy a little bit of theatrics soon slip comfortably back into reality, and become human beings, but oh no -- not SLAM..... Most laugh, and watch the antics, amused. Few will comment as to the ridiculous image this kind of post invokes, and even fewer will fall for that poor work of fiction. But poor SLAM, he is DOM! (or so he roars), and he throws his "power" in every direction possible. Sound familiar? i would think so.
Why does SLAM get away with all this nonsense? Read on.
bad_and_naughty_girl appears at the same chat room door. We'll call her bang, for short. She kneels, demurely, begging to enter, and spends the next three LONG posts, describing her silks, and every curve of her luscious body. But she is humble, and modest to boot! SLAM immediately bellows "ENTER!", and bang crawls into the room, kisses SLAM's boots, and delicately thanks him. Now, if SLAM is a true 'dominant' (lower-case d intended), he'll insist that bang get him a drink, right? Right. Of course, bang will run to the bar to immediately get SLAM his drink (she magically knows what he wants, by the way). bang starts her show - carefully wiggling her hips, tossing her golden (or raven or fiery) mane, her soft silks (that were used to crawl across the room on) flowing seductively and perfectly hugging her previously-described luscious curves, that she again describes in intimate detail. Does this sound familiar? Uh huh.
Twenty minutes later, bang disappears, but lo! and behold! SLAMs_bang reappears, and then launches into a 100-word essay on what her collar looks like. And while they scene together, as Master and slave now no less, they greet everyone coming in, comment on every post, tell the wannabe's where to go, and still manage to moan, grunt, groan and thrust with perfect timing. Next week, SLAMs_bang is history, and FLIPs_bang makes her appearance, improving on her 100-word essay.
Now......... Sir_Dom comes into the room, followed by His submissive Doms_sub. He greets everyone, and moves to His chair. She greets everyone, and waits for her Master to allow her to enter, if that is His wish. She then quietly, and happily, takes her place by His side or at His feet. They are friendly with everyone and chat amicably with the other members of the chat room. Sir Dom asks His sub to get Him a drink, and she does so, describing the delicate and perhaps intricate preparation and service, aimed for His pleasure alone, totally ignoring the scening, posturing and postulating going on around her. She is focused, totally, on Him. If they choose to scene, they will be oblivious to anyone and everyone else in the chat room.
For every SLAM, there will be a bang. For every phony dominant, you will see at least one even phonier submissive. SLAM would not exist if bang wasn't around, waiting to cater to his ego. bang would have nobody to show her luscious curves to, if it weren't for the SLAMs of this world. At the same time though, Sir_Dom would not dominate if there were no submissives like Doms_sub, who, in turn, wouldn't be much at all if there were no true Dominants to serve. *whispers* power exchange, in its most basic form.
Unfortunately, players are a fact of life, and are not going to disappear, no matter how hard the "real" lifestylers wish they would. All we can do is offer the alternative, by SHOWING (not preaching) what this lifestyle is about - that it is an exchange of power not a dictatorship, that Dominants care very deeply about submissives and hold their offerings in very high esteem. That we, as submissives, are proud, strong, and very happy to serve our One, and that being submissive does not mean that we crawl to any person who chooses to be call themselves a Dominant.
Preaching on and on (ad nauseum) about what "true" D/s or BDSM is all about will probably garner less attention than SLAM's throne plopping down on some poor soul, or bang's essay on her humble (but luscious!) curves. While we owe it to ourselves, and to the lifestyle, to try and educate when we can, we also need to recognize that not everyone is interested in learning. Offer an outlet for education to SLAM and bang, and walk away if you see that they are really not interested in learning, that they're too busy playing. You've made your point, you've given the rest of the room a statement that says this is not what D/s is all about. Someone interested in learning will have heard, trust me.
To some, they come to play at the lifestyle. To others, they live the lifestyle. If you want to play, invent a throne, find a heavy-duty belt for all those toys, and have fun. If you want to portray how the lifestyle really is, then be true to yourself, and to the role you have chosen. Your strength and power (Dominant or submissive) will show, and be noticed by those who are truly looking. Posting entrances, or describing intricate serves does not a player make - a true lifestyler's character will always shine, regardless of the words used. And face it - if SLAM and bang DID listen, where would they fit in the lifestyle? *laughing*
Oh, and by the way......... SLAM and bang are a married, 24/7 Master/slave couple, who come to the chat rooms to unwind after a heavy session. Sir_Dom and Doms_sub? Well, that's Jack, using two windows, and talking to himself. Lest we judge too quickly......... *winks and grins*
dove