"Why, man, he doth bestride the narrow world
Like a colossus and we petty men
Walk under his huge legs and peep about
to find ourselves dishonorable graves.
Men at some time are masters of their fates:
The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves, that we are underlings"Julius Caesar, Act 1, Sc 2
I've come to cherish those rare occasions when I am squicked by someone else's actions.
Regrettably, it doesn't happen too often these days.
I find that the things that squick me shed more light on myself than on other people. Of course, it's a test of how open-minded I actually am - But there have been many things that formerly squicked me...that I now enjoy.
This doesn't mean that I've adopted all the activities that make my stomach do back flips. There are exceptions:
One notable exception is "aftercare" - I find this quite nauseating. I still can't wrap my head around a Dominant cosseting a slave after a scene. I don't mind making sure that a slave is physically safe - but pampering them strikes me as overindulgent and counterproductive. But "chacun a son gout".
I also find interminable "ramping" tiresome. I don't coax a slave into submission - I dominate. If I'm in the mood to build up slowly - that's what I'll do. If I'm not... I won't.
Here's an example of a former "squick" that now forms part of my repertoire. The very first play party I went to (back when Moses was a subbie) I saw a couple playing. The top was using a riding crop on her partner. "How brutal!" I thought, "It's dehumanizing - not to mention dangerous."
My opinion changed.
My opinion changed often enough (and the resulting change of heart has resulted in so much fun) that I now look at such occasions as learning experiences. There are three possible outcomes:
1. I change my mind; include it in my repertoire, which enriches my life.
2. I decide it's not for me; exclude it from my repertoire, which enriches my life.
3. I keep it on the back burner as a possibility, which enriches my life.
Of course, I miss out on all this possible enrichment if I fail to keep an open mind. And, for me, this is probably the greatest learning experience. Here's why:
When I get that visceral feeling that's associated with being squicked, it's because some deep part of me is judging the activity/people/gerbils involved. Assuming, of course, that everything is Safe, Sane & Consensual - then that feeling has everything to do with me - and nothing to do with them.
There's no way to avoid making judgments - but I like to make those judgments based on my own moral compass - and my own moral compass is calibrated on instinct _and_ rational thought. The pure and unprocessed "squick" experience is instinctive only. It doesn't include higher thinking. It strikes me as wise, productive and perhaps even a path to wisdom... to reflect on why _I_ am squicked. Certainly far more useful to me than focusing on why the activities/people/gerbils are so wrong.
Respectfully,
Lady Nichola