Sub Drop


When Master and I were still doing the long distance thing, one of the most important things I had to learn to cope with was sub drop. Master would come up for a weekend, we would have two or three days full of play and then he would leave. The next day was like being thrown from an aero plane without a parachute. I would be depressed, lethargic, tearful and very much out of control. The first few times it happened I didn't' know what it was or how to deal with it, but as time went on it became easy to recognize and I just waited it out.

What is it I hear you ask? Well imagine a hard night out at the night clubs, lots of alcohol and fun. What happens the next day? You get an almighty hangover. Sub drop can be similar. You body has been going through all sorts of highs, endorphin and adrenalin, and while they are wonderful highs, the body has to come back down off them again. So you start to feel blah. Add to that your mind has been coping with all sorts of exciting euphoric sensations and suddenly it's all gone.

This is where depression can set in. Was I good enough? Did I do the right thing by playing with that person? Is this right? Is it safe? Why am I doing this at all? All sorts of things will run through your mind and that only adds to the confusion. The good thing is that all this is usually only going to last a day or so then your body will adjust back again and you will return to your normal state.

I rarely get into this state anymore, but it does still happen on occasion.  More so after a really heavy session where fear is a big part of it. However, those who are not living with their partners and only get to play now and then are much more susceptible to getting sub drop. There are a few things that you can do to help you get through this time, should you experience it.

  1. Recognize what it is. This is important, if you don't accept it for what it is, then you can talk yourself into a much worse state.
  2. Keep in contact with your play partner, tell them how you are feeling and seek reassurance from them that all is well. We all need to hear that we did good and that our partners enjoyed the scene as much as we did.
  3. Pamper yourself. Spend the day doing things you really enjoy. Long hot bubble bathes, manicures/pedicure, get your hair done. Anything that is going to help you feel better about yourself.
  4. Eat well and drink plenty of fluids. Your body is still in recovery process, so feed it well.
  5. Talk to someone who understands what you are going through. Find someone who can listen without judging and let it all out. If you need to cry do so, it's therapeutic.

Sub drop can be a very confusing time, but it does pass and we can learn how to help ourselves through this. One thing to remember though, this is not something that is just confined to submissives. Top drop is the same thing and your Dominant needs just as much reassurance as you do.


The preceding article is an excerpt from the book “Owned – Reflections of a Submissive”
© by Toya,, and is posted here with Toya's express permission.