The whole issue of "topping from the bottom" is a big deal in D/s. On the one hand, it's important to have open lines of communication - On the other hand the "rules of the game" don't allow a submissive to command a Dominant.
Frankly, even if the rules permitted a submissive to direct a scene - most of the D/s Dominants I know would laugh it off and carry on doing whatever the hell they wanted to anyway.
From My perspective, the color coded system of feedback (Red, Yellow, Green) skates pretty close to topping from the bottom. If one adds on the less common, but still used, Blue" and "White" - Then it's stopped skating. It's put on a pair of hobnailed boots and is stomping all over the concept of D/s.
So the thing that both Dominant and submissive participants wrestle with is how to cause one another to behave in ways that are enjoyable... and still stay within the rules.
After years of doing this D/s thing, it seems very simple to Me - but that doesn't mean that it's simple to explain. I was having a chat on this topic with a newbie the other day, and this forced Me to try and put it into simpler terms. As is sometimes the case when one writes without thinking...you can come up with an insight that is surprising ... even to yourself. I thought I'd share it and see if it sparks any comments.
Is it a Dominant's job to make you submit? - Or to inspire you to submit?
Let's flip the concept around: Is it a submissive's job to make someone Dominate? - Or to inspire them to Dominate?
The answer is obvious. But, obvious or not, many people never internalize it. When a submissive "tops from the bottom" the line between "making" and "inspiring" has been crossed - And the reason that stinks has little to do with D/s and much to do with consensuality. Put the Dominant hat on and it becomes even clearer. If I make someone submit... it's non-consensual.
By contrast, "inspiring" not only confers consent. It also confers pride. And pride has everything to do with D/s.
If you accept that a submissive's duty is to make her Dominant proud - Then you must inspire Her to Dominate.
I quite like this line of reasoning. It seems appropriate to Me that both the Dominant and submissive are bound by a shared rule of conduct. It also seems to articulate the notion that submissives have a duty to inspire.
I've seen submissives "drop the ball" on this one. They either refuse to acknowledge the extent of their influence on a D/s relationship. Or (if they do acknowledge it) "freeze up" for fear of topping from the bottom.
Lady Nichola
Related article: Topping from the Bottom versus Inspiration - a Response