One of the things many years of relationship and personal counselling teaches is that "whomever has the need, drives the solution".
Therefore, if the submissive is the one with a need, it's up to the submissive to communicate that need in such a way that the Dominant understands and accepts the need, and stays present to work out a solution. both parties have to understand, however, the dangers of expectations:
Just Cuz You Have Them, Doesn't Mean You Have The Right To Assume They'll Be Met.
So go into the discussions about needs with the understanding that it's meant as a sharing exercise, a "here's where I'm at, where are you at, and how do we build a solution at a mutually-acceptable halfway point?"
If you go into the exchange with that attitude, it can be suitably deferential within a D/s context as to avoid the whole feeling of topping from the bottom. The drawback of the "waiting for someone else to initiate" approach is that it's ultimately a cop-out - someone isn't taking responsibility for getting his or her own needs met.
It's also an unhealthy high-risk course of action, because if *both* parties in the relationship are in that "hang back and wait" mode, then ultimately *nothing* happens, everyone gets frustrated, nothing gets resolved, no needs are met. whomever has the need, drives the solution.
If partners can't discuss, they can't collaborate on resolution. if they can't do that, then what's the point of the relationship?
arnora {M}