I'm sure we would all love to forget the realities of life at times. Life tends to happen to us all on a fairly regular basis, no matter how powerful we may feel.
Whether we are an experienced lifestyle couple, or are just now venturing into the D/s world, we all face the fact that we cannot be actively Dominant or actively submissive 24 hours a day. Things like work, children, family and groceries are all things that we cannot ignore for any length of time without there being any repercussions.
As a result, we move in and out of our "active" roles constantly. That is not to say that we are not always Dominant or submissive - quite the contrary. It does however mean that we cannot always outwardly manifest our chosen roles all the time. There are times when it is neither appropriate or desirable to be in active D/s mode. What is it that causes us to move in and out of these active phases?
Moving out of active D/s is fairly common, and to a great degree rather simple. Life happens. We adjust. We do what we have to do. We work, we shop, we interact with others outside the lifestyle. We inherently know what actions are or are not appropriate. Life does not change that we are Dominant or submissive. It simply dictates at times that we cannot be openly active.
Moving into active D/s may not be as simple. For example - if a couple has been married for many years and have recently decided to explore D/s, they have a history between them of "vanilla" behavior and interaction. The lifestyle is new to them, but vanilla life is very familiar and most likely more comfortable. The challenge is to communicate to each other when it is time to move to active D/s.
There are reminders - or triggers - that can be established to indicate that the time is right for each to assume the active part of their roles. The Dominant's triggers may include commands such as kneeling, or a glance or words that clearly identify his or her wishes. A submissive in turn may express his or her desire to actively submit by assuming a position or communicating through the use of a special statement.
It is relatively simple for the Dominant to activate these triggers. The Dominant leads, and will decide when active D/s is desired or appropriate. Since the submissive does not generally lead or initiate, these triggers are often less frequent. The submissive's triggers should convey a desire or request to the Dominant. These triggers however are not free tickets to topping from the bottom.
The couple also needs to establish if triggers are necessary or beneficial for transitioning out of active D/s. Some necessary transitions are obvious, but others are more subtle and can be particularly confusing to a submissive. It may not be feasible or desirable to activate these triggers. It is, at the very least, important that these triggers be recognized. They are a means of communication and like all communication are important. What is important is that both know the other's wishes.
We all have our own triggers even though they may not be deliberate or premeditated. We have each found a way to communicate our desire to move to the active phase of our chosen roles. As a relationship matures, the triggers may become less necessary or less frequent, as each gain greater understanding of their partner's needs and desires. For the new D/s couple, establishing these triggers can make the transition from vanilla to D/s more easier to understand and easier to do.
dove